90210 s03e01: senior year!

howdy, gentile readers. welcome to the liveblogging of the 90210 season 3 premiere. when we last left our troubled adults-playing-teens, naomi was totes about to be raped by the totally hot journalism teacher. liam and darcyannie were seemingly on the verge of some hot degrassi angst. adrianna was about to go on tour with some douchey musician (which explains why navid dropped over to true blood for some hooking). silver and teddy totally made up (too bad for her, really, since he'll be playing for my team in a few episodes). i'm sure something boring happened between black brandondixon and his hippie girlfriendivy, but i lost interest in dixon after he got rid of his crazy lady girlfriend. oh, and the wilson parents broke up.

and show starting...

7pm: previously on...everything i said above. oh, and jen's pregnant and a bitch.
7:01pm: dixon said something stupid. must be monday. oh, boo, harry's principal spot is being painted over. oh, and navid is not dead from being a sexy hooker to the vamps. and mmm...teddy.
7:02pm: can silver say "kickass" one more time? no wonder teddy goes gay.
7:03pm: ha. naomi was at a seedy hotel, not the riviera. maybe seedy hotel manager will rape her, too, before her trust fund kicks in.
7:04pm: new character introduced with ivy. and sounding douchey. i think that's also supposed to be teddy's bf. and navid making out with cell phone. ha! that won't get old. and javier drops adrianna from the tour and tells her to join glee club.
7:06pm: i will not get used to naomi and annie friends again. rob pattinson "bites"; thanks for the fake, naomi. and queue earthquake. oh noes! teddy's knee. naomi did get raped.
7:07pm: "don't go spreading lies." ooh, say it again, hot journalism teacher.
7:08pm: really, reporting rape 3 months after the fact? did you learn nothing from paige's rape in season 2 of degrassi:tng? and commercial break.
7:12: "brother dixon"? really? oh, macho liam stuck in a room with annie. blah blah blah. jasper set boat on fire. annie doesn't return calls all. summer. long. she should have been there for him. read: she should've been giving him lap attention.
7:13: and school's dismissed for earthquake. allegedly. and dixon is being third wheel to ivy and new guy.
7:14: annie internship talk with drunk teacher. can i get brenda back?
7:16: liam reluctantly gives annie a ride to "dream internship" interview. blah. and the beach is dead. but oooh, larceny.
7:17: oh, adrianna, why couldn't you have stayed a les? ooooooh, limo crash while javier is being a dick. $10 something bad happens to him that has no negative effects on adrianna. and second commercial break.
7:22: and jetskis were stolen. nothing bad can happen from this. right?
7:23: dixon. jealous. he's always jealous. gawd. and yes, ivy, you squeal.
7:24: oh, navid and i have the same phone. and teddy falls. he should sue his doctor. and take off his shirt.
7:25: naomi at police station talking about her rape. i'll try my best to not laugh through this scene. yes, you are a "lying sociopath".
7:27: teddy's on his back. oh yeah. and now on limo crash. dead on arrival. totes javier. internet, you owe me $10.
7:28: that doesn't belong to you adrianna. diabolical look on adrianna's face. $10 she decides to do something with those songs, but then has a 180 because she's a good girl. commercial break.
7:31: oh great, kardashians (cq?). "nothing says you're back like backless." oy.
7:32: layway. ha! "i called her a bitch. sorry, i meant ho." way to make me like you, naomi.
7:33: annie's biggest strength? playing the same character on two different teen dramas. and hit and runs.
7:34: $10 annie's honesty gets her that internship.
7:35: "my first little earthquake with gidget." and ivy's cheating on dixon. finally, something interesting for this couple.
7:36: oh, it was a dream. knew it was too good to be true. sigh.
7:37: annie and liam kiss. degrassi style. commercial break.
7:42: you didn't call liam back because you were afraid to have a hot makeout session? "then i guess we're not friends." oh annie, you're a stupid bitch.
7:43: ade gets call from producer lady. boo hoo call. "things have cooled on the adrianna front."
7:45: and queue ade's diabolical plan. new material my ass. internet, you owe me $10. but ooh, pool party.
7:46: teddy whips out ... a flask. damn. and now silver gets all wet blanket.
7:47: ooooh, teddy played against his doctor's orders. you know what cures ruining your tennis career? and telling your girlfriend she's never been good at anything? cock. cock helps.
7:48: ivy and dixon. i bet she wants to have some of the sexxing with him so she can moan out the new guy's name.
7:49: oh, he loves ivy. and ivy says she loves him. boring. oooh, is naomi going to freak out?
7:50: drunk boy is surprisingly aware. and naomi is starting an orgy. great. am i watching nip/tuck? time for last commercial break.
7:53: lights still out at the wilsons. explaining why the hotness that is rob estes isn't there. it's ok to cry, lori laughlin!
7:54: and annie gets the internship. internet, you owe me another $10.
7:55: but oh, something about desperate. something evil this way comes. and teddy stops naomi from her near orgy. and new guy calls ivy on her lust for him.
7:57: ewww, new guy is fucking ivy's mom! "sex is just a random physical act." drunk naomi coming on to teddy. and silver walks in.
7:58: ade singing some stolen songs. and navid says her old material was "lukewarm." evil ade strikes her first victory!
7:59: hot journalism teacher is silver's new advisor. me smelly some future rapey (or near rapeness).

ok, that's it for the liveblogging. it was fun. and now, i need to concentrate on gossip girl. later, interwebbers!