fast forward a month. omg! look! new neighbors! let's sip coffee and impose on their privacy! dana delany shows up, and susan remembers her as katherine, a woman that lived on wisteria lane 12 years ago who abruptly moved (natch). attached are her ob/gyn husband, adam (nathan fillion) and daughter dylan, who was apparently julie's childhood bff, only she doesn't remember it.
blah blah blah, katherine throws a welcome back barbecue for herself, susan whines to mike that adam thinks she may be going through "the change", edie is finally let go from the hospital and thinks the party is for her, then lynette gets into a fight with a PTA bitch and takes off her wig to reveal her cueball. unfortunately, her bffs also see, and this is followed by a sappy heart to heart where they say they won't keep any major secrets from each other, then promptly not tell each other about the fake pregnancy, the maybe menopause, and yet another extramarital affair.
the girls make a pact to not keep secrets, then promptly break it.
later, after much off-camera hanging out, dylan confesses to julie that she doesn't remember shit about living there and has this recurring dream where she's a little girl and some man tries to abduct her, which her mother tells her not to think about. julie gets all suspicious and tells susan that dylan is not the same girl she knew. oh, and susan isn't joining the cast of golden girls any time soon, because she's (gag) pregnant, which when she sees how happy mike is about it finally makes her believe that he really does love her. because, you know, having not killed her in the past several years doesn't prove that he loves her. lord knows i'd kill her the instant i met the bitch. god, susan, just fucking die! oh, and edie basically blackmails carlos into staying in their horrible relationship by telling him she knows all about the millions in his secret offshore bank account. i'd been wondering when someone on this show would get a secret offshore bank account. it's a basic soap requirement!
of course, katherine has a secret. she's not letting dylan move into a certain room in their house, where it's implied (heavily) that something bad happened to her in there. here are my guesses:
1) the man that tried to abduct dylan was killed by katherine or her then husband, and it tramatized dylan, therefore explaining why she doesn't remember anything from wisteria lane.
2) it's not the same dylan. what happened in that room was that someone killed the original dylan, and the memory this dylan has of almost being abducted is really katherine's first husband abducting her.
the best line of the episode comes from bree, which i guess sums up her story from last season: "first people thought that your step-father was a wife killer. then your sister takes up with her history teacher. and now we're supposed to parade a little bastard up and down the street. we might as well sit on the porch and play banjos!"
the episode was kinda hit and miss for me. it was a good season premiere by the fact it set up plots to come. but it's like i missed nothing. all the characters are essentially the same as they were when i last saw the show, which is fine for a daytime soap. but this is primetime, where character development is encouraged. katherine's secret doesn't seem that hard to figure out. and honestly, i have to admit that the only reason i decided to pick the show back up was because of the one life to live factor, with fillion (a former joey buchanan) and the drool-worthy tuc watkins (who was almost always scantily clad on oltl) joining that cast, the latter as one of the gaybors moving in soon. but honestly, there's only so much susan i can stand. but if something good doesn't happen in the next couple of episodes, this is going back in the drop pile.
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