what would the barefoot contessa do?

have you ever been in a food-related situation and thought to yourself "what would the barefoot contessa do?" i know i have.

the question comes from a very random gilmore girls quote, and while lorelai probably meant the ava gardner barefoot contessa, she was in the kitchen when she said it, so of course i associated it with ina garten.

binding my loves of tv and food, this feature will revolve around food-related scenes in shows i watch, and how different it would be if one of the characters was swapped out with ina.

here goes the first installment. enjoy. (i hope.)

picture this: gossip girl. pilot episode. serena (blake lively) got into a hissy fit with former bff blair (the wonderfully bitchy leighton meester), which has led to her drinking (heavily) on an empty stomach. enter the sleezy chuck (ed westwick), who's daddy (real, not sugar) owns the hotel serena and fam. are staying at. he proceeds to sleeze it up with serena, who's just drunk and hungry. chuck offers a grilled cheese with truffle oil. serena knows it's not on the menu, but says ok to the offer, but only because she's hungry. after the sandwich is made, chuck lets the cooking staff go home early. while serena says the sandwich is the best she's ever had (when you're that drunk, every food is the best you've ever had), chuck says he'd like his payment. and by payment, he means he'd like to have sex with her, the easy way or the rape way.

now let's stop right here and swap serena with ina.

ina: you know, chuck, this grilled cheese is almost as fabulous as my blue cheese souffle. maybe you'll let me whip that up as payment instead.

chuck: if by souffle, you mean my penis, then yes, whip away.

ina: i knew i shouldn't have had all those martinis. pomegranate cosmos would've been a better choice. i made them for some friends i had come in from L.A. and they adored them.

chuck: what the hell are you talking about? i'm going to rape you now.

ina: instead of rape, which my husband jeffrey wouldn't very much like, how about i throw you a dinner party! we can have a cheese plate to start, with gruyere, manchego, and a good stilton, which goes great with a nice shiraz. i also make this great guacamole salad that ...

chuck: what about rape do you not understand?

ina knees him in the balls, then hits him over the head with a stainless steel pot and throws hot truffle oil on him.

ina: don't fuck with me! i used to work at the white hosue, pansy boy!

end scene.